Tag Archives: Memoir

Review – Inside Out by Demi Moore

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The more celebrity memoirs I read, the more I realize just how bad some artists had it growing up. In various cases, it’s the lack of attention, love and respect in their childhoods that makes them crave love and admiration from an audience. Of course, not in all cases, and not for everyone, but there is a pattern I’m starting to see. As someone who is emotionally expressive herself, I can understand the need to unleash feelings of anger, sadness, disappointment, in creative ways, and the need to be seen and acknowledged.

Demi Moore’s upbringing was even worse than I expected. It’s still impressive to see, even after reading hundreds of personal stories, just how far some people can go, and how much they can overcome, with time. Demi’s coming-of-age was at once abrupt and quite tumultuous. She had to grow up quickly after witnessing her mother try to commit suicide, and she had to constantly adapt to new circumstances and environments as her emotionally unstable parents did what they knew best: sabotage themselves, and so their family.

It was quite heartbreaking, and at times triggering, to bear witness to so much suffering and selfishness. I’m happy Demi Moore realized, just as Minka Kelly did in her memoir TELL ME EVERYTHING, that her parents—especially her mom—did love her, even though neither could love her in the way she needed to be love. Neither could see her as she needed to be seen, or care for her the way every child is entitled—yes, entitled, to be taken care of.

Generational trauma is very sad, because you can tell someone, over and over, that they are worth of love; that they are good and beautiful; that they have nothing to be ashamed of or feel guilty about, but in most cases they won’t believe it. They might even think they managed to fool you into seeing them in a good light. It’s frustrating for the person who is trying to help, but just try to picture how heartbreaking it must be for someone to want to believe that they are good and deserving, and not be able to.

I liked this book, but it is quite an info-dump. This happened, and then I felt this way and this other thing happened and then that didn’t happen after all. It was interesting to read, but it would have read even better, and been even more impactful, if Demi had slowed down even more while telling her story, and focused on a few specific events rather than try to cover almost every hurtful/triggering situation she could remember. Still, worth a read.

Purchase this book through Amazon using this link so I can buy myself a cookie while I write more reviews 🙂

Review – Pretty Boys Are Poisonous by Megan Fox

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I hate to say it, but this was “surprisingly” good. I wish I could say I totally saw this book coming, and definitely expected to be delighted by it, but I just didn’t know Megan Fox enough to voice that. I only knew what most of you do: that she’s a sex symbol and a pretty good actor. But I just love it when someone can take you by surprise in the best way possible, and since I’m a reader, book blogger, and librarian, this book is basically my definition of a good surprise.

I definitely got to know Megan Fox better by reading this, so I understand why it’s categorized as memoir in addition to poetry book. I especially learned more about what Megan Fox feels on the inside, more so how she feels about herself and how she felt about the man who was supposed to be a source of safety, comfort and joy to her. Yet, he was anything but that.

It’s easy to assume that someone as beautiful and successful as Megan Fox would value herself highly and never put up with abusive behavior, with being strangled, insulted, stripped of her dignity and self-respect, but that just shows that everyone is fighting a battle that may be invisible to the rest of the world. I applaud Megan Fox for putting this gutsy and impactful collection of poems into the world, and for giving it life by pouring her lingering heartbreaking memoires and possibly post-traumatic stress as well.

I also adored the illustrations, which beautifully conveyed Megan’s soul, her sensuous and elegant nature, with an undertone of sadness, misery, and pain. She put it well when she said that, in the case of the partner she had, it was trauma meeting trauma, and trauma bonds are very powerful and emotional. But she did mention being happier with her new partner, that he treats her so much better, makes her feel more like the woman she is, so I know Megan Fox’s heart is more at peace, and I wish her a great healing journey ahead.

Purchase this book through Amazon using this link so I can buy myself a cookie while I write more reviews 🙂

Review – The Woman in Me by Britney Spears

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I was so excited to get my hands on this book when it came out. I remember going to Wal-Mart and seeing it in the book section for the first time, and seriously considering standing there and getting a head start on the book. But because I was already Wal-Mart-reading Kerry Washington’s memoir, I decided to be loyal to Kerry.

I can’t be the only one who sometimes store-reads books, can I? It’s a great motivation to walk thirty minutes to the store and back, and of course I’ll buy a little something to thank the store for giving me this beautiful opportunity. Haha.

Anyway. This book. This book felt like the kind of story that needed to be published. It needed to get out there and land itself into the hands, minds, and hearts of millions of people. Not just because this is America’s Sweetheart we’re talking about, but because what Britney Spears went through needed to be known, and I could tell reading it that this was very cathartic for the singer to get off her chest.

If you aren’t aware, for thirteen years, Britney Spears’ family – more specifically her father – had almost complete control over her professional life and, in some ways, her personal life as well. From keeping her hard-earned money from her, save for the little allowance she was allowed to have, to basically forcing her to perform shows and controlling her diet, Britney Spears’ family did not have her best interest at heart. On the contrary, her Conservatorship had a detrimental effect on her body, mental health and her emotional growth as a woman.

I was terrified to read about how small her world became after the Conservatorship was put in place, and how stuck she felt during that time. Part of me loved the hell out of Britney for being so courageous as to divulge some of the horrendous things that were done to her, but another part of me felt so anxious and claustrophobic reading about all of these personal details that I couldn’t wait to get to the last chapter.

There’s also a lot of mature introspection from the author, which made her much easier to understand and emphasize with. She’s not only telling, and showing, but also feeling and, at times, sharing her life and thoughts as though from a witness’ standpoint. I could tell she understood that what had happened to her was unacceptable, especially now that she finally got out of that toxic sphere she was in. It’s hard to realize sometimes that the way the people closest to us are treating us is not normal and it’s not okay.

Like all of us, Britney Spears still has a lot to learn, and a lot more power to grow into, but I’m so proud of her, and I’m so excited to see her thrive as a much freer woman. I follow her on Instagram, and it’s lovely to watch her dance again because it makes her happy, not because she has to.

Purchase this book through Amazon using this link so I can buy myself a cookie while I write more reviews 🙂

Sometimes I Trip On How Happy We Could Be – Nichole Perkins

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Women’s stories help guide me in my life. A good memoir writer will open up to us, will share their lives with us and will give us access to some of their rawest and most intimate thoughts. I have started gaining quite a bit of respect for memoirists, a lot of whom started to feel like friends after reading their books.

Nichole Perkins has reminded me why I read memoirs in the first place. Nichole’s audacity, fierceness and self-reflection spoke to me. She isn’t afraid to discuss topics that women have been thought to keep quiet about or let the man speak about them, namely sex, power, fantasies and more. She also talks about topics deemed more traditionally feminine, like love, relationships and gender. And she certainly isn’t keeping quiet about the abuse she and her family have experienced.

But as intense as those topics are, and as intense as the atmosphere of this memoir can get, Nichole Perkins knows how to balance things out, by throwing a funny story here and there and by writing on pop culture of the early 2000s and before. She’s the reason why I even got the first four seasons of Cheers, after reading her praise for the show, and particularly for its spin-off, Frasier, both of which I intend to watch diligently and commit to memory.

I don’t think there’s anything Nichole wouldn’t talk about today, especially in the context of raising awareness on different issues or teaching women to take less bullshit from men, less responsibility for their actions, less disrespect, less objectification and much, much less guilt. While I was reading about the men that sexually or emotionally assaulted Nichole, betrayed, stalked or otherwise pushed her boundaries, I inevitably thought back to my own experiences with men and how I really did not have to take as much as I did.  There is such great power in being able to walk away, say no and stick by our own values and boundaries. Reading this memoir simultaneously made me feel proud of Nichole’s awareness regarding her power as a woman, and made me want to dig deeper into my own.

You know what they say, surround yourself with the kinds of people you want to be. Well I’d go even as far as to say that we as readers should surround ourselves as much as possible with the kinds of characters whose qualities we want to embody. So go ahead, surround yourself with Nichole Perkins as much as you can, because she will help you dip into that strong, confident woman you may sometimes forget you are.

Thank you Hachette Book Group Canada for the copy in exchange for a review!

Nothing Personal – Nancy Jo Sales

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This book had the kind of effect on me that I was hoping for, meaning that it helped me stay away from dating apps. And like the author says, of course there are exceptions. Not every guy is a sexist player and liar and toxic and problematic – duhhhh – but those are the kinds of men that these apps either appeal to the most or help create. On the other hand, if you are a genuinely good catch, then there is an overwhelming amount of girls or guys who throw themselves at you, and it all feels so mechanical, so dissatisfying, so devoid of magic.

As revealing and valuable as this book is, it is also quite depressing. It’s depressing to read about a culture that focuses on short-term and self-satisfying interactions, rather than long-term, mutually-satisfying and above all meaningful interactions. A hook-up culture that confuses (‘‘so what are we really?’’) and makes it hard for people to really connect. I think the saddest part of all was the ‘‘who could care less’’ game that the author mentioned, in which neither people involved want to be the one to care the most and so, in the end, no one really does and things fizzle out pretty quickly.

But as sad as this book can get, it cannot and should not be ignored. And as often as it made me feel like maybe romance and love are both dead, it has thought me a lot about access control (who I should let get close to me and know me), not feeling so responsible for men’s emotions and reactions and knowing what I want and how I want to be treated and stating both of those things instead of letting the other person decide what they want with me and how they want to treat me.

Thank you Hachette Book Group Canada for the copy in exchange for a review!

The Groom Will Keep His Name – Matt Ortile

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I think Matt Ortile should meet Nicolas DiDomizio, author of Burn It All Down, or at least read his blog, and this interview I did with him. I’m saying this because I have a feeling he could learn from monsieur DiDomizio, especially in the relationships department, which is something this memoir does focus on, among other things.

It would be frivolous, and almost insulting, to not discuss the more political and cultural aspects of this book. Matt Ortile writes about struggling with some of his own Filipino customs, growing up among other Filipinos who bullied him for being different, and then coming to America and almost reinventing himself by trying to be the perfect immigrant student and simply not create tension of any kind. He pauses upon his university experience for quite a bit, as it has marked him profoundly and has made him realize some of his shortcomings, especially with regards to speaking out about what matters to him, regardless of whether he makes people uncomfortable or not.

Probably the best aspect of this book is its tone, which screams, ‘‘Here I am, this is who I am, I am imperfect and make mistakes, but I know that I must do better—choose better for myself and others—and while I am not there yet, I am on my way and this memoir is a testament of my promise to grow into the man that I know I can be and wish to be.’’ I think the journey will be long for Matt Ortile, but I don’t doubt that he’ll exact change within himself even further and perhaps beyond himself.

Thank you Hachette Book Group Canada for the copy in exchange for a review.

Little Miss Little Compton – Arden Myrin

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This is a decent book to read when you have low energy, because Arden Myrin has enough for two. This is an unconventional celebrity memoir, in the sense that, from my experience as a celebrity memoir reader, these works typically focus quite a great deal on the parts that lead to their ascension to the ranks of star. Myrin did not spend many chapters discussing the topic, perhaps because she is not as well-known, but she did discuss her family and childhood quite a bit, as well as the many different appearances she’s made on TV.

This is the type of book whose chapters you can read in no chronological order. Sometimes Myrin repeats herself, so events or pieces of information come back—ensuring you remember or don’t miss anything—and besides, Myrin focuses more on comedic effect than personal reflection. I can tell she’s done some introspection, because of the way she discusses herself—how she’s had trouble seeing her own worth and picking the right guys since her own father was far from a role model—but she is not one to focus entire chapters to thinking and inward-looking. She writes about actions and dialog between people more than anything else.

This can be good, if you want something light and fast. It doesn’t feel edited, seeing that the author uses lots of exclamation marks, all caps, repetition and an overall super casual tone. In order words, it does not seem professional which, for a memoir, is surprising and once again, unconventional. At the same time, it was different and different can be good, especially when you feel a little unconventional and different yourself. I was reading this book before and a little during my participation to a four-day pageant event. Being more reserved and introverted, I felt quite out of place at times at the event, so having this book with me was a source of comfort. Away from home, comfort can be rare and invaluable but Myrin managed to provide me with that through her light humor and positivity.

Thank you Hachette Book Group Canada for the copy in exchange for an honest review.

Black Widow – Leslie Gray Streeter

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I’m starting to really enjoy reading books—oftentimes memoirs—written by journalists or reporters or magazine contributors. That’s probably because, not only are they well-written, but also because I, myself, have started writing for my university’s main magazine and am loving the experience. The process is hard—a lot of editing and researching to be done—but it makes me feel like I’m actually learning to write better and, of course, has made me develop more respect and admiration for professional writers.

Leslie Gray Streeter is such a writer. She writes a column, à la Carrie Bradshaw, fun and quirky, but not really since she is not having sex until marriage. She’s had a couple of bad relationships, so in the love department there is usually little meaningful development. That is, until she reunites with Scott, a former classmate whom she marries and who eventually dies from a heart attack. This is more than a story about grief, though that is, quite certainly, a main aspect. It’s also a love story, as James Patterson so rightly states in his blurb of the book. It’s also about building a modern family and struggling to keep said family. Grit. Determination. Support. Not many older women would want their mothers around, but Leslie knows when she needs help and she’s learning to ask for it and accept it.

Though I have never lost a husband or someone who I had an intimate relationship with, I related tremendously with Leslie’s motherhood experience. Not because I have a kid myself—not yet—but because my father passed away when I was a baby, as is the case for Brooks, Scott and Leslie’s baby. I was very touched by how worried Leslie was about Brooks—how he might grow up feeling a certain way about not having a father—and how she tried to do her best being strong for the both of them. I don’t know how Brooks will feel when he will be old enough to understand what loneliness is and wonder about what his life would have been like if he had had a father to care for him, but I think that with a mother like Leslie he will be just fine.

Beautiful.

Thank you Hachette Book Group Canada for a copy in exchange for a review.

Little Weirds – Jenny Slate

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This book is weird. I’m sure you saw that coming a little—what with that title and all—but it’s good to repeat because it truly is Weird with a capital w. Not just because Jenny Slate’s writing is uncharacterizable. Something between poetry and prose, making me wonder if this was a memoir or collection of poetry. Or both? But also because of the highly sexual and tremendously unexpected imagery. The kind that makes you wonder if a human being wrote this or a half-human, half-giraffe with an addiction for chocolate poutine and a need to externalize every single one of their half-human, half-giraffe thoughts.

If your instinct tells you—shit, this review is getting really weird and I don’t think I have the stomach for it—please do exit on your left. But if you are intrigued, please proceed, continue, go ahead, have fun, enjoy your moments of imaginary bliss and disconnection from human life, in favour of papery disillusion and a not-drug-induced cheeseburger atmosphere.

You might, at some point, actually wonder what the hell I’m talking about. Who the hell is this Jenny Slate whose writing seems to have completely taken over my brain and destroyed my coherent cells and turned me into an ice cream cone collecting food from the sky. Well, you would be very right in wondering that, and certainly at times I did ask myself the same thing about Jenny Slate herself. But then my infected brain realized that to understand the incomprehensible, one must become incomprehensible in return and let our minds be attacked by the crazy.

In all seriousness, I seriously enjoyed this. It is an experiencefirst and foremost. BUT, and here’s the thing that surprised me the most, Jenny Slate had some actually meaningful and insightful things to say through the vacuum of weird thoughts. And the good thing is that, because they were so unexpected, most of them stood out like a naked Barbie doll on the cover of a book in a room full of horny teenagers (that did happen, everyone was staring, it was a real social experiment). Here is one such quote for you to admire and ponder:

I jumped out of their hands and into their mouths and I yelled EAT ME way before they even had a chance to get horny and notice me and lift me up. – page 41

You might reconsider your subscription to my blog after reading that. Really, that’s what she considers worth admiring and pondering? Okay, chill, I can’t write down the entire mind-shattering context, but really think about it before jumping off your horse. When I read that, I immediately thought of how hard I try in friendships. How desperate I am to have a meaningful connection that I don’t let anyone really miss me or want me, maybe because I’m scared that if I give them too much space, I’m also giving them too much opportunity to completely forget about me. But that’s something I’ll be discussing with my therapist.

Cheers.

(Oh, yes, and please read this book because I loved it.)

Thank you Hachette Book Group Canada for allowing me to experience Jenny Slate in exchange for what you probably wished was more comprehensible of a review, but I hope you will forgive me.

All the Colors Came Out – Kate Fagan

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This book has the most beautiful cover I’ve seen this year. It’s more astounding in real life, so if you ever get the chance to get your hands on the hardcover copy, go for it. Having read Kate Fagan’s former book – What Made Maddy Run – I was very interested in this book, particularly because she discusses herself and her family, whereas her first book focuses on another family entirely and one particular tragic event.

Both are good, honestly, but very different. In All the Colors Came Out, Kate Fagan talks mainly about her father who was diagnosed with ALS a couple of years ago, and chronicles everything that happened after the diagnosis until the day he dies from the illness. She also reflects on many childhood memories and tells us what it was like to grow up with a father like hers and what lead to their distancing later in life.

Seeing Kate Fagan try to reconnect with her dying father was very beautiful. Spending time with her family and writing about it also made her understand her own mother and wife better. Her sister is not mentioned as much, but with reason since she is busy raising kids and does not live with her father anymore. Kate, on the other hand, decided to spend half the time with her father and half with her wife, so she can take care of him and make up for all the times she prioritized her career over her family.

Although this is a short nonfiction book, with less than two hundred pages, it is not the type of book you can easily read in an afternoon or one sitting. It may be short, but it is filled with experience, wisdom, regret, hope, love, understanding, lessons and sadness. Normally, a book this size would take me an entire day to read at most, but I’ve spent the last three days reading it little by little. There is no clear ‘‘storyline’’ per se, even if it’s divided in multiple parts. At times it feels random, like Kate wrote all that was on her mind out of order. At times the chapters also feel like blog posts, barely edited, just Kate and what’s cursing through her. Reflection after reflection. But one thing it always is is authentic. I wasn’t always very happy with Kate, because some of the things she says and does are selfish or childish and I expected better from a grown woman, but what softened me was seeing how well Kate tried to understand her own shortcomings and how she maybe didn’t deserve me being so hard on her.

I feel honoured to have had the chance to get to know Kate’s father and Kate herself better. Though I cannot compare this to anything I’ve read before, I think you’ll like Kate’s writing style and personality if you enjoyed Shrill by Lindy West.

Thank you Hachette Book Group Canada for the copy in exchange for a review.